Tuesday’s Topic- When is enough enough?

This morning, I was thinking of some people who are very close in my life yet who are quite simply not well at least emotionally.  Now, I have always been the kind of person who let people be responsible for their own actions and words.  In other words I have never really taken peoples emotional reactions personally.  And interestingly the more emotional people become about ordinary things, the more naturally subdued I become.  Most of the time, I am not affected at all, but there are occasions where things can get scary, which means I deem there reactions to be completely disproportionate to the situation.  They are usually shocked that I hold no real offense to their actions and am willing to forgive.  Not because I am so forgiving, so to say, but really because, I never took it personal. Some emotional people can find me cold and disconnected while others find it as a source of strength for them.  Although, I am a loving person and would like for people to see my heart for what it is, neither of the perspectives matters much to me.  I am who I am.

Recently I have had two very close people lash out at me.  Both men.  Technically, I do not take what they have done personally and as usual, I move passed it.  But over the last few days I am wondering if I should?  I am a deeply loyal person so, I am not contemplating ridding these people from my life, but I am seriously wondering is it time for the relationships to change.  Neither of these men are doing anything new in the way they have behaved and I am so used to it, I just ignore it or brush it off or stay quiet for a while until, I feel better from being – well abused really.  Not physically, but still.

They battle things.  Some clinically diagnosed others not but I can see the nots as clear as day and those I can not see I feel.

Why do I mention they are men?  It is a different kind of hurt when men lash out at women or I will say ME.  I do not think most men who do this (even the ones who lash out with QUIET) realize this.

Both have poor relationships with the women in their lives.  I see that but I know they are not bad guys PLUS I know their behavior is about THEM not ME. As is the case with us ALL.  I am no saint but I KNOW I am holistically healthy- praise God. And I know that I actively strive for self betterment daily.

I know typing this it seems really obvious- Get those poison guys out of your life, right?  But how many of you know that everything is not that simple and that relationships are integrated, complex, layered and multidimensional- because PEOPLE are those things.  Plus quite simply, I love them DEEPLY.

So I don’t know, I am at a place where I can do the same old thing or I can do something different this time.  I don’t know what different will look like and that is scary but, to be quite honest it will be insane if I continue on in these relationships like this.  I feel like mentally and emotionally I am stronger than they and so therefore I can take it, but WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?

What do you think Scholars?

And no worries, I am typing this with all sincerity but also with tea in hand looking at fresh flowers, it is WELL with my soul today:). I only get pensive when I think of the reality of my relationships with close people and I know those relationships are not healthy or up to my standards or both.  I know that this post highlights them but is about ME.  These men are teaching me about me.  I just want to get the lesson right instead of repeating the class! smh.



ps- typing this on a new MACBOOK, so it’s super awkward and I can not put in my pretty colors, fonts and extra pics- YET!  :). I’m excited about this computer though.


8 thoughts on “Tuesday’s Topic- When is enough enough?

  1. This is an interesting and thought provoking post.
    It is not easy for me to forgive people, but I am getting better at it, especially as I get older. Letting go, forgiveness, and realizing that 99%of the time people’s actions and words have nothing to do with me are all lessons that took me years to learn. Now I am far from perfect, but I have gotten better at it. Because honestly, I think life is too short for the nonsense. There’s a picture I posted a few months ago that always puts things into perspective for me. I’m actually on my phone right now, so I will have to dig up and post it tomorrow, but it’s a picture of the milky way galaxy. And there’s a little dot, with an arrow “you are here.” I just love it because it forces me to realize that in the grande scheme of the universe, whatever I’m going through is small. In a weird way, it’s comforting to me and serves as a good reminder.
    I have never had a problem with cutting people out of my life, though. Loyalty and trust are important to me.. and sometimes it’s better to cut ties and move on, for a variety of reasons.
    All of that is me, though, thoughts and ideas inspired by your topic 🙂
    I would like to leave this idea.. people grow and change. Our mindsets, our attitudes shift. Our goals and the vision we have of ourselves and our future change. It’s terrifying.
    We all face crossroads and have to make life defining, scary decisions. Robert Frost took the road less traveled… 😊
    And finally a piece I’ve always loved:
    Some people come into our lives
    And quickly go.
    Others stay awhile
    Leave footprints on our hearts
    And we are never the same.

    Thank you for inspiring me! ☺
    I wish you well ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Life is simply challenging on many different levels. I believe it is supposed to be this way to incentivize us to strive for new and different plateaus. Self worth and self development are two integrally related concepts. It sounds like your personal experiences are revealing new truths about yourself as well as a desire to move beyond emotional constraints that no longer seem justifiable.

    I term this growth and development. As we migrate toward greater PURPOSES in life, meaningful interaction with male and female friends enhance these relationships. When a disconnect in discourse repeats itself consistently resulting in some level of consistent abuse, it becomes necessary to respectfully make clear the dialogue must take a new direction.

    True friends will respect your intentions. Those only concerned about their own feelings will attempt to maintain status quo. It becomes your decision (at this point) to choose which path to follow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness. All I can say is- WHEN IS YOUR BOOK COMING OUT? Seriously! You have such sage advice and I so enjoy how you WORD it! Man! I can imagine for you the dilemma could be not when the book is coming out but WHICH ONE FIRST! Thank you Dr. Jonathan for your comment and continued support of this blog! Light and Love, Shona

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have noticed that often when we don’t learn our lesson we circle around the same mountain. For me, forgiveness took time it didn’t come naturally for me. Sometimes it’s easier to hold onto bitterness than to forgive others for yourself. I would say that it’s a bit more than being able to handle it, I would examine how it affects my life as well as myself. Who we surround ourselves with do play a significant role in where we head in life. I believe you would have to ask yourself are these friendships worth it or is it better to love them from a distance? Relationships, humans are complex creatures, there are multiple layers to someone and we have to decide whether that person is worth the time/effort.

    Liked by 1 person

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